by Evalena Rose, M.A.
far too many women, sexuality is a battleground between the
past and the present. Touch and closeness trigger memories
of past touch that was wounding or, for those who've been
violated, devastating. Centuries of repression of the feminine
make intimacy difficult for many women as little of our natural,
spontaneous and joyful sexuality remain.
often, our loved ones instilled fear and distrust of intimacy,
a realm where trust is essential. Even if a family's touch
is healthy, messages that separate us from our bodies abound
in this culture where intimacy is little understood. We struggle
to own our sexuality again and find our passion, or try to
get by without it (who needs it anyway!) to avoid the pain
been wounded repeatedly myself, I found therapy not enough
to bring me home to myself. It helped heal the past wounds,
but I still didn't know how to create an adult sexuality or
allow the deep connection and soul contact I yearned for.
Discovering the path of Tantra over a decade ago allowed me
to unravel the wounds from my body and psyche and open to
connecting sexually on my own terms. I discovered my wholeness
behind the wounds and felt initiated into arts that have been
lost since the ancient temples were taken from us.
from incest paralleled opening to a deeper sexuality and releasing
bonds that strangled my passion. Sometimes old emotions would
surface, but this ancient healing path that honors both the
dark and the light had space for my pain and anger. I was
supported in healing by those who also coaxed forward my goddess
nature and full range of expression. Being in a community
of caring people gave me the sense of healthy family nurturing
my growth (finally!).
Sexual invasions, especially those in childhood split the
psyche asunder and create chaos and confusion in one's sexuality.
It is either blocked off or open without boundaries, sometimes
vacillating from one to the other. This shows up in various
ways: promiscuity or being shut down sexually, being able
to flirt and seduce but not sustain intimacy, objectifying
self and other, or rushing to get sex over with to return
to safer ground.
survivor may strive to offer what is wanted, be who you think
the other seeks, and not be present, even to yourself, to
know what you want -- let alone ask for it. Serving as therapist
with women recovering from such wounds, I find that to fully
release the dysfunctional pattern, one must acquire new behaviors
and attitudes, the kind that encourage and allow healthy relationships.
women not overtly wounded come from a society that rarely
teaches relationship and communication skills, one that devalues
emotional intimacy while over-valuing facades. Women are told
how to look and behave, not taught how to fulfill their needs
and satisfy their longings. In ancient times, we were initiated
in the arts of sustaining sacred relationships in the safety
of temples with trained priestesses helping us open. I wanted
to bring back such safe settings and the lost arts of intimacy
that ought to be natural.
felt drawn, and somehow assigned by Spirit, to help coalesce
a community of women engaged in discovering their true nature
and entering into a sacred, positive relationship with their
sexuality. By learning these tools in the safety of loving
circles of women, each gains positive mirrors while exploring
her inner world and healthy uses of sexual energy.
thrilled to see a community of women gathering around this
work, for reclaiming one's sexuality is a complicated, on-going
process that needs the support of sisters over time. Its a
joy to see women blossoming under the praise and caring of
others as they learn ways of being that allow sexuality to
become the source of pleasure and connection it's meant to
be. Old coping mechanisms are dropped as more authentic ways
of connecting are adopted.
Single women find their sexuality no longer dependent on others
or determined by another's needs, as they become more beloved
with themselves. Sharing the practices within safe boundaries,
women gain experience in healthy ways to relate that make
their next relationship more fulfilling. Since they get some
needs for touch and sensuality met without having to be sexual,
they'll put less pressure on a future partner to fulfill every
doing the work together gain tools for moving beyond blocks
and revitalize their connection, accessing deeper passions
and achieving greater states of ecstasy. The practices are
wonderful ways to achieve altered states as well as full body,
extended orgasm, either energetically or physically.
Together we can take our sexual power back and discover ways
home to our bodies. Together we can reclaim full ownership
of our sexuality and the capacity to ask for and let in what
we want. Together we can restore the full power of the feminine
and live within it. Blessed Be.