to Sacred Relationship
Tantra for Women Who Love Women
by Evalena Rose, M.A.
the ancient arts of Tantra are being reintroduced, sacred
love begins healing the results of millennia of repression
of women and of sexuality. One finds Tantra in the mystery
traditions of all great religions, with its focus on connection
and intimacy. Too often, today's Tantric images show only
women with men, and some teachings seem limited to sexual
enhancement, rather than promoting deep connection. Actually,
many examples of temple art survive that show women with women--paintings,
tapestries, and friezes depicting women connecting in states
of high sexual ecstasy.
a spiritual path, Tantra offers much to women loving women,
reawakening them to their Goddess energy, their exalted, transpersonal
selves. In the centuries of repression, the open-hearted state
necessary to ecstatic union has been lost. Perhaps also in
defending roles/divisions of gay/straight, butch/femme, top/bottom,
a wholeness has been lost. In creating separation, one may
lose track of the fullness of Who We Really Are. In the first
flush of romance, that wholeness is regained. Tantric arts
keep bringing you back to it.
teaches us to embrace yin and yang, all aspects of maleness
and femininity in each of us. In Tantric pujas (worshipful
circles), we play with all manner of roles and relationships
since freeing up role-bound behavior can liberate our erotic
and sensual nature. The heart-centered connections surpass
roles, while the energy-moving breath processes free up the
life-force, the kundalini, to be available through all the
chakras. It's free flow creates ecstatic states.
to set oneself against society and family in order to love
your own gender may close channels needed for sexual completeness.
Is this related to the infamous "Lesbian bed death?" Could
the very defining of self as different hinder the open expression
of love? Tantric practices, used regularly, reopen these channels,
the very chakras through which kundalini flows to enliven
the body. The flow of this life force activates blissful states
and greater feelings of pleasure and joyousness, thus awakening
new interest in erotic play.
partners make love with all chakras open to each other, it
becomes a play between their souls. Tantra drops goal-directedness
in sex, and focuses on the joy of moving energy together and
the affirmation of self that comes from seeing the Goddess
in your partner and yourself. The drivenness to have an orgasm
shifts as one develops the capacity for extended orgasmic
states of union that meet deep needs for connection. Then,
orgasms become a celebration of this union, and eventually
become longer and higher than those created through tension
and concerted effort. The certainty that love-making will
result in feeling connected and treasured makes it easier
to approach intimacy, even for women who've been sexually
wounded. When touch is about closeness rather than performing,
its safe to want to snuggle.
these benefits are true for women loving men as well. Tantra
encourages both partners to explore their inner male and inner
female, seeking balance and wholeness. For formerly separatist
women only now ready to befriend men or women wanting to re-initiate
relationships with men, Tantra provides a safe ground. It
gives you the skills to communicate your needs, and tools
to command respect as an equal adventurer on the spiritual
path of intimacy. Great healing of wounds between the sexes
are common in the gentle processes of pujas made safe by the
focus on heart connections.
and open communication skills are always a part of creating
healthy intimacy and therefore an essential part of Tantra.
The best of recent tools to unravel power struggles with your
partner are used along with sharing augmented by breathing.
Boundaries are carefully worked with, since permission to
say no and ask for what you want makes it safe to merge when
you choose. One also learns to dance erotically for one's
partner, and to heal each other through sacred touch, song
and sounding. All of these techniques expand the space in
which you and your partner can play, making of love a haven
in Sonoma County Women's Voices, November, 1997.